Parentification is the trait in Narcissistic Mothers of expecting her daughter to look after her instead of the other way around.
This parentification can take the form of the daughter being expected to meet physical needs far beyond her age, such as clothes-washing (her own, or her own and her mother’s), cooking, minding younger siblings, fetching and carrying for her mother and so on.
But parentification can also take the form of the daughter being expected to take care of her mother’s emotional needs. In this case her mother will probably speak very inappropriately to her daughter of her relationships (including her relationship with the daughter’s father if that’s still relevant), of her sex life, of her issues and concerns.
This process of parentification is very abusive as the daughter, correctly judging this as the price of her mother’s approval, and not knowing any better, tries to take on the burden of meeting those needs.
This means that she is not paying attention to her own needs and desires and attending to the important business of growing up. And it also means that she’s trying to do stuff she’s just not equipped for.
Parentification is a huge burden to put on a small girl, but one that Narcissistic Mothers put on without conscience.
This feeling of being burdened can keep us trapped in looking after her. I have two EFT videos to solve this issue: Erase The Belief That It’s Your Job To Fix Things and Erase The Belief That It’s Your Job To Keep Her Happy.
And if you’d like to be parented for a while, instead of doing the parenting, I invite you to check out the Inner Mother Guided Meditation.