About Me

Hi, I'm Danu Morrigan.

It's not my real name. I don't want to use my real name as staying anonymous means that I can be more honest about my experiences. If my parents find out that I am saying this, so be it - it's all true. But it would be kinder to them, and easier for me, not to have that happen. (See at the bottom of the page for how I picked the name as there's quite a lot of symbolism to it.)

I believe that my mother is Narcissistic, and that my father is Enabling.

In fairness, though, there are many Narcissism Traits she does not have.

She does not seem to have fantasies of unlimited success. Her grandiosity, if it exists at all, isabout her importance in her own sphere rather than any global grandiosity.

She is not rude to people such as waiters and shop staff - on the contrary, she is very polite and friendly to everybody. Perhaps over-so, in a way that doesn't respect their professional boundaries, and she doesn't realise when it makes them uncomfortable. But she certainly does not think herself better than them as narcissists often do.

She is also not vain - again, the contrary, she never really bothered about her appearance beyond proper hygiene.

But having said all that, she does share many traits.

Everything is always about her. She's totally self-centred. She demands respect and obedience without earning them. She gives blatantly unsuitable presents. She talks non-stop about herself and her doings in endless detail and repetition.

She has no real interest in me or mine (or, I presume, anybody else) except in as much as that reflects well on her. She likes my successes, such as they are, so she can boast about them to others (and then get the kudos and attention) but never celebrates those successes authentically with me.

She has no real empathy for anybody's problems and tragedies, but feeds off the drama of them. The excitement and effervescence of her when I miscarried my first baby, for example: she was incandescent with the joy of the drama of it.

She would deny all the above, of course. As she has denied them to my face when I have tried to say some of this to her, to try to sort things out. She denies them in a bullying and aggressive way. Or in a way which cast doubts on my sanity and grasp of reality.

And so, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is my totally unqualified best guess as to why things are as they are.

(I also think back to stories told about her half-sister on her father's side, and her father, and I think they were narcissistic too, in retrospect. So I can see the pattern there.)

I went NC - i.e. No Contact - with both her and my Enabling Father in September 2008. It was far from my worst encounter with them, but it was a classic last-straw.

My only regret, and it's a major one, is that I didn't do it years ago. That I bought into society's lies that you have to keep in touch with parents no matter how horrible they are to you.

As part of looking to heal myself (at that time I thought I was broken and in need of fixing as they told me, not wounded and in need of healing as all we DONMs are), I came across EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, also known as Tapping.) This has changed my life, and continues to do so, and I share it here in the hope that it can do the same for you.

I need to stress that I have no qualifications in psychology or similar, that I'm no guru, that I don't hold myself up as an expert. I'm simply a fellow daughter of narcissistic mother who's trying to find her way through it all and is sharing what I've found along the way. I  have learned a reasonable amount through my reading and also through my experiences of running a forum for 4 years, so I do have some insights, but they're only that: insights, not dogma. Please take what you find useful and leave the rest.

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You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother

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Danu Morrigan - the name

Danu Morrigan

I'm often asked how I picked the name Danu Morrigan as my name for this site.

Both Danu and Morrigan are Celtic goddesses, and I liked the idea of connecting to the metaphorical power of goddesses when my experience of being the daughter of a narcissistic mother was one of powerlessness. 

Danu was a mother goddess, which I found particularly appropriate as I was learning to be my own loving mother in this journey. And The Morrigan is the goddess of death, known by her title rather than a name, is (Wikipedia's definition:) 'the goddess of battle, strife and sovereignty', and that seemed so appropriate too, as daughters of narcissistic mothers have to battle and strive for their own sovereignty. 

So I chose the name Danu Morrigan to channel my wishes for myself as a recovering daughter of narcissistic mother, but also as a representative name for us all, as we all  have to learn to mother ourselves, and to strive for our personal sovereignty.

In this way the name, like this website, isn't about me at all but about all of us.