My book "You're Not Crazy - It's Your Mother"
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Never Good Enough

If you think to yourself anything like:

  • I'm never good enough
  • I never feel good enough
  • I never was good enough, or
  • I never will be good enough,

then it's very possible that you are the daughter or son of a narcissistic mother.

And in truth, you probably never were, are, or will be good enough for her. Because such a thing doesn't exist. Her standards are so impossibly high and capricious that nobody could meet them.

Or rather, the only way to meet them would be to totally dissolve your ego, your Self, in her. That's what she wanted. She wanted you to totally adore her, to look after her, to admire her, to be her creature.

And to the extent that you did not do that, you were never good enough in her eyes.

However, this is good news!

To the extent that you managed to avoid all those things, e.g. being her creature, and managed to retain your own Self, you have won and have beaten her. So the extent that she thinks you aren't good enough is the extent to which you have won!

The problem is that she gave you that 'never good enough' message, and you took it on board and internalised it and made it part of your own truth.

This is totally understandable - it's absolutely NOT something to beat yourself up over.

She was your mother, and all children are programmed to totally look up to their mothers and believe them. Why would you not?

Also a lot of this 'never good enough' message was unspoken and subliminal and so went straight to your subconcious. The message was given in deep sighs, and rolled eyes, and silences.

Those messages are very profound, and for a child, impossible to protect yourself against. 

The good news is that once you've recognised the whole Narcissistic Mother thing, you can conciously recognise that those 'never good enough' beliefs aren't true. That's huge.

But it's not enough. Those beliefs are very deeply engrained. And unfortunately, carrying around those beliefs affects your behaviour, and affects how you treat yourself. So they're important to remove. 

One way to remove them is explained in the page on Negative Self-Talk.

However the quickest, easiest, and most powerful way to remove them is through the use of EFT. EFT literally reprogrammes your beliefs, taking out all those 'never good enough' feelings and replacing them with a quiet confidence. I also recommend the comprehensive Narcissistic Parent Survival Kit.

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