Narcissistic Mothers
and Society

Narcissistic mothers and society is an issue because our society, our culture, has a blind spot when it comes to abusive mothers.

We have this image of the perfect mother, the smiling serene woman with her head bent fondly over her daughter's, holding the little girl safely and lovingly.

Mother's Day every year perpetuates this image, as do newspaper and magazine stories about selfless and even heroic mothers.

I have read that the fact that our fairytales always have wicked stepmothers rather than mothers, is a way of dealing with the issue of cruel mothers without actually facing up to it.

I'm not saying that wonderful mothers don't exist. Of course they do. But they're not the whole story, not by a long way. And of course, you know that, or you wouldn't be reading this website.

And you long to have the words to explain to them that this is so beyond mere 'annoying' that it's in a different world.

Take the example of my dear friend Maggie. She had heard me go on about my mother, many times, as I struggled to explain it to her. The best way I could explain it (before I came to the conclusion that she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder) was to say that she had some sort of Princess Complex - i.e. that she was a princess and expected to be treated as such.

Maggie was very supportive and helpful, as befits the dear friend she is. But I'll never forget her expression and words when she finally met them and endured two and a half hours of their company (this was the last-straw meeting which made me go No Contact with them). Once we left them her face had pure shock on it, and she was shaking her head and kept saying over and over, "I never knew. Oh Danu, you poor, poor girl, that was horrible. I know you said it, but I didn't understand".

We are so lucky in this day and age to have the internet, to be able to access this information and find out what is wrong - with her, not with us. And also to use the internet to access women going through similar experiences.

The relief and joy of meeting other daughters of narcissistic mothers is indescribable. To find your experiences validated and understood after a lifetime of invalidation and gaslighting is the most incredible experience! It's intoxicating nearly - the realisation that you're not crazy, that this did happen to you, that she was that bad, and that you are among people who understand. And so I do invite you to join our forum where you'll meet kind and compassionate fellow-DONMs.

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