Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are in a very good position when you think about it.
Where else would a Narcissist get such a ready, biddable, vulnerable source of Narcissistic Supply than from her own children?
These women have, of course, all the specific traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But they have a few other tricks
too, especially for their children.
They fall into two categories - engulfing mothers who see no
boundaries between themselves and their daughters, and ignoring mothers who
don't particularly even see their daughters, and certainly don't care. Each is hugely dysfunctional and
One trick, or aspect, of narcissistic mothers, is that they're quite often nice. This can be so confusing - part of the
head-wreckingness of this whole NPD. The niceness always has strings attached
One of Narcissistic mothers' favourite tricks is invalidation, including a particularly nasty and insiduous form of invalidation called
gaslighting. No matter what emotions or memories you bring up, they'll dismiss
Another one of their tricks is triangulation, where they
make themselves the pivotal point of the family dynamic and everything has to go through them.Add to
this, many narcissistic mothers' extreme vanity, and their
sometimes bizarre attitude towards sexuality, and you
have quite a combination.
Mothers with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can't do it alone, of course. They need help, and
Enabling Fathers are the perfect ones to give them that help.
For a kind of a bitter laugh, check out the Narcissistic Mothers Dictionary, and see how they use words differently
from the rest of the world.
Most people never even think of the possibility of narcissistic mothers. To the extent that NPD is
in the public
consciousness at all - which is very little - it's more considered to be men who have it. This is partly
because it does seem to be more prevalent in men. And also my impression is that men with it are more likely to be
violent and so more likely to come to public awareness.
And if people think of women having it, they maybe think of wives and girlfriends and friends. They
don't think of mothers.
We have a huge cultural embargo upon thinking badly of mothers. We esteem mothers, put them on
pedestals, worship them almost. I've read that this cultural indoctrination is why the fairy stories always feature
wicked stepmothers - because to speak of wicked mothers is just undoable. I think there's a lot of
plausibility in this theory.
I'm writing this just a couple of days after Mother's Day and it'd make you sick, the sycophancy
and adoration of mothers and motherhood that goes on. In my book You're Not Crazy -
It's Your Mother (which is also part of the comprehensive Narcissistic Parent Survival Kit) I speak of how this
sycophancy is a third layer of abuse heaped upon us DONMs. The first two are directly from our mother herself,
and then this one from Society.
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